Manipulation Through Attention Seeking Behaviors- Sneaky Narcs

There is so much tragedy in living, for all of us. Some talk openly about their troubles as they come about and seek support in healthy ways. Others, like me, stay silent and inadvertently protect everyone but myself. I could not talk about things until I had mostly healed, and writing is the last step of the process for me. I have not told everything. In reality, the worst still remains untold because I have not finished dealing with it on my own. I may never get there and if I do, I may just share it with a select few. Not everything is for everyone to know, but I hope to be that brave someday. I hope that by hearing some of the things I have dealt with that others will not feel alone or think they need to stay silent out of fear or forced “respect” for their abusers. Still others feel the need to remain in constant crisis, whether it is real or not. We all know them. They are always in some situation that demands immediate attention and there is always a need to have chaos and drama surrounding them. I unfortunately attract these people like flies to honey. Over the years I have learned to spray a little vinegar in their direction and my ability to see them coming is much improved.

Recently my stepson and nephew came to visit. They wanted to go shooting. My husband called the local range which is over an hour away and spoke to a really rude individual that claimed that we all had to have hunting licenses in order to shoot there. Those are not cheap and since none of us hunt and we had limited time to get them because they were only here for a weekend, it was going to be tough but they were determined to try anyway. My husband took them to the local Walmart on a Saturday morning. Believe me when I tell you that ours is one of the best for people watching, second only to one in Tennessee that I went to on one occasion. Nobody working there knew how to process a hunting license so after spending a couple hours there while several of them bumbled through the process instead of just admitting they were not proficient at it, they left to come home. On the way, my stepson called the range again and got a much more helpful individual who said we could all get fishing licenses, which we could use. He was also able to do that for us there. With half the day wasted and dinner reservations in place for birthday celebrations that evening, time was a real issue. We headed there right after lunch and pulled up to a very nice and secluded range. The officer was indeed helpful, albeit slow. He told us about all of his accomplishments while we waited for him to process the licenses. When we finally got to the range it was really the time we should have been leaving, but we changed our dinner plans and stayed through the lengthy lecture before we could actually shoot.

He was at my side immediately and through the entire visit until my stepson asked for some help, on two occasions actually touching the gun as I shot. Although he was very helpful and improved my abilities and comfort level with my gun, his proximity would have been an issue for most. It was uncomfortable for me as well, in reality. He gave me an awkward vibe but I was grateful for his assistance. He asked us to give him a good review and gave us all of his information and websites, social media, etc. Nobody but me seemed to feel the awkward vibe so I assumed it was me being uncomfortable with the situation of the day. I later found out that he may have been bonded to me because I am the same age as his mom, so I wrote it off as that. My husband and I went alone to the range a few days later and he was again very helpful. This time I added him to my social media so I could stay informed on upcoming classes and such. What I got was way more than that, in a very bad way. The man posts more than a teenage girl and it is all attention seeking behavior that if anyone comments in any way other than what he wants to hear or anything other than sympathy, he deletes the post. He lost both of his parents as a young adult. He claims his sister also died with his mother and that he lost two children at birth and an ex-wife to suicide. I was overwhelmed by how much he had been through, and yet something about his constant neediness tugged at my conscience. As a nurse I often see through the medical “emergency” posts as well as the psychological issues. His past posts had him being taken in for testing on his heart, which he had kept everyone publicly updated on even though he refused to talk about the findings. Then shortly after we added him, he had a post about calling 911 “five times” and having stopped breathing and going into cardiac arrest at the range. This place is definitely remote but they do have an AED there. You can bet your sweet you know what that if he had had those issues with me there, he would have been shocked. Obviously the EMTs and physicians saw no issues, and he was sent home several hours later. In between the pity posts, there were posts that bragged wildly about all of his accomplishments. Then there was the night that my husband private messaged him because of his post that day was clearly suicidal in nature and was told by his “friend” via message that he had attempted suicide but they did not hold him at the hospital. I have serious doubts if his “friend” was not just him since it is his page and he was online. Unfortunately, as a nurse I also feel compelled to help others. I have learned a valuable lesson. No more social media adds for this girl until I get to know them beyond two face to face meetings unless they are business related, but I also thought this one was business related. It was a very unpleasant surprise to be connected to someone that is not in the least bit stable, and to know that I will never feel comfortable dealing with him on a professional level knowing what I do.

You see, he was always so busy talking about himself and all of his accomplishments he never asked about mine. I am not one to talk openly with strangers so he did not know that one of my secret talents is sleuthing out people and finding the truth. In a nutshell, he is a liar. He did lose both parents, which is a hardship many face as young adults. He was not a young child. There is absolutely no evidence his sister ever died with his mom. In fact, she was listed as a survivor at his dad’s funeral several years after his mom died. There is no evidence he was married, and as for the babies, only he would know that. I too have lost a child, so I get that hardship. His daily depressive and suicidal social media posts are more than I can handle because I am not able to get him the help he needs and he would not take it anyway because it would harm his employment. That may happen anyway because he is not wise enough to know that simply deleting something online does not erase it. I feel like the world is full of his type, with the constant need for sympathy and attention even if it means embellishing the truth to get it.

On July 4th, one of my cousins lost two family members on her husband’s side of the family. Two children, ages 16 and 13 were run down by a driver that left the roadway and traveled into the grass where they were walking. They died instantly. That kind of an event is horrific and unimaginable. I never do the random “thoughts and prayers” social media posts. It is just not in my comfort zone to reach out to ask for anything, but this event was so tragic, I did it. I know he saw it. I know he read it. About an hour later he posted all of his tragedies, as if all of his friends had not heard them or figured them out from his several times a day posts. Of course this post included the lies that I am aware of. Some people are going to complain no matter what, some people will do anything to get some pats on the back and then wonder why nobody wants to be around them, and then there are the rest of us that just need some comfort and support in our rare times of need. I find comfort in writing, but I would not feel comfort complaining if I had not already done the hard work to heal first. Life is hard. You have to work in order to prosper. Some people wait too long before they figure it out and some people never do. For anyone who may wonder if this man is a loose cannon with nobody being aware of the danger, rest assured that his minister knows, his doctors know, the EMTs know, his coworkers and employer know and his friends know. I do not have any need to tell anyone because he has been publishing all of this, and I don’t even know him well enough to know where he lives. The harsh reality is that nobody can protect or save another human being that does not want to work to help themselves. Nobody can make somebody seek assistance, and nobody can make someone get treatment against their will if they are not held when they do seek assistance. The mental health system in this country is broken, and it has the hands of every citizen tied that is left dealing with the chaos caused by it. Now, back to giving my attention to those that deserve it.

 

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